The Final Countdown
by AStormIsBrewing
Summary: Nothing works quite like wish fulfillment to get the blood pumping for the season finale.
1. The Final Countdown

**I do not own.**

Cue the Rocky music and start your engines! The season finale is almost here! Everybody scream!!

Lets face it, Season three has been the sexiest by far. What can I say? Fire is just that hot.

Anyone?

I wanted to do something special for Finale Week of Avatar, so I got to work on a list of things I wanted to see by the time the show ended.

Sounds serious, right? I mean, I know everyone is thinking shipping, but I want to see some drag! And everyone knows Iroh is a ninja, but where does Zuko get it from? There are a lot of loose ends the creators need to tie up, but first, some fangirling in the AU.

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**The Final Countdown**

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Scott considered himself an easy-going person. Give him some meat, and he would be happy; mess with his family, and face his wrath. His world was simple, and did not require constant internet access.

But he would have like to get on it once in a while.

As it was, his sister monopolized the computer at every free or not so free moment as her favorite shows wound down, and Scott found himself going for days at a time without being able to update his MySpace at a reasonable hour or IM his girlfriend.

Eventually, when even getting on at an unreasonable hour was impossible, enough was enough.

"Is there any reason you have to fangirl over every aspect of that stupid show?"

Katie swivelled the chair to better glare at her brother. "What, am I not allowed to enjoy stuff now?"

"There is a fine line between enjoyment and obsession, Katie, and you have crossed it." Scott leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms over his cereal killer t-shirt as Katie rolled her eyes and turned back to the screen. "I know you're looking forward to the series finale, but what are you going to do when the series actually ends?"

Katie continued to type for a moment, but her pace slowed to a standstill as the words sunk in.

Scott spent the rest of the night fetching tissues and comfort food, and watching his baby sister breathe into a paper bag.

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Ok, so speed publishing this because the library isn't open on Sundays.

Fun.

Tell me if I made any world-ending errors.

**Please review!**


	2. Welcome To Wherever You Are

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I do not own.

My first recollection of Avatar actually happened before the series aired. I read an article about it in the Nickelodeon magazine — it seemed better than most shows, but I never really took it seriously. My family never had cable(just got it last week!), so I could only catch Nickelodeon at my grandparent's house.

The first episode I actually saw was a few minutes of 'Boy in the Iceberg,' when I was at the doctor's office. I had homework to do, though, and back then, I actually tried to finish it, instead of shluffing it off. I watched it intermittently after that; the plot was easy to follow, and there were worse things to waste my summers doing, but I thought it was just another show.

Except I had no idea what was up with that freak with the ponytail. He had a lisp, and whenever I started to think the episode was going to be about him, I turned the channel. He had a cool uncle, though. Sokka was my favorite character, but there was something mysterious and appealing about Zuko.

So I started to pay attention, and now . . . Well, I'm confused. I'm just going to say I'm allowed to have more than one favorite character and leave it at that.

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**Welcome to Wherever You Are**

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Sokka knew Zuko wasn't one for thinking ahead, but some things were just ridiculous. Of course, the Water Tribe boy had a sneaking suspicion that if Zuko actually did stop to think about anything he would probably loose whatever it was he had that made him do things that normal people considered frightening, dangerous, or borderline insane.

A suspicion that, when proven right, was very fun to exploit. The prince of the Fire Nation never had a problem flying until Sokka got to him.

"Just think, in a week, Aang will kick your dad's butt, you'll be Firelord, and all this flying nonsense will be behind you."

"Firelord?!" Sokka had meant the words as a sort of half-platitude, but Zuko did not take them that way. "I can't be Firelord! I'm not ready for a position like that!"

"How can you possibly not be ready?"

"I never thought about it!"

"Seriously, I know you not thinking is nothing new, but you're the prince. What were you doing the past three years? Oh, wait, that's right, chasing us."

"I just thought it would be a lot later, ok?! I always thought I would inherit the throne after my father died—"

"Which is what is going to happen."

"—And I would be old and married and have kids to secure my claim!"

"Already going through your mid-life crisis?"

"You are not helping!"

Sokka shrugged. "Not my job."

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Another speed publish, tell my if I mess up.

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	3. Dude Looks Like A Lady

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I do not own.

This has been bothering me for a long time, and anyone who reads my other stuff should know what it is. Chapter seventeen is the perfect excuse, and I just had to do it.

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**Dude Looks Like A Lady**

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"Are you sure this is the only way?"

Sokka rolled his eyes, digging through the stacks of clothes in the theater dressing room. "If you have a better idea, I'd love to hear it, Sparky."

"Just look at it as a means to an end," Aang added. "We need to do this if we're going to defeat the Firelord. It's just another disguise."

Zuko looked at the dress Sokka had thrown at him and gulped. "I think the most disturbing part about this is the fact that you both seem to know what you're doing."

"Hey, if we didn't pick them out, the girls would do it for us, and forgive me for not trusting their fashion sense," Sokka said, as he inspected a darker gown. "But since the choice seems to be red and more red, I don't know how it matters. It's not really my color." He threw the dress into another pile of discarded clothes.

"But isn't the makeup overdoing it a little?"

"Not with how recognizable you are, Princess."

"When all this is over, you are going to regret saying that."

"I'm so very frightened of the little girly-man."

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"I wonder what's taking them so long?" Katara muttered, fixing her hair for what must have been the fiftieth time. It wasn't agreeing with the style or the humidity, and Katara was close to plastering it down with shoe-polish if any could be found. It gave her something to worry about that wasn't the invasion or Aang fighting the Firelord or the battle ahead, and she could use all of that she could get.

"They're probably just wasting time insulting each other," Toph muttered, sitting in a very unladylike fashion despite the elegance of her dress. "You know how guys get when they think their masculinity is going to be called into question."

"Aang isn't like that."

"Aang also isn't a teenager. Give him a couple of years and he'll be getting all defensive about it with the worst of them." Toph paused to belch before continuing. "Seriously, Sugarqueen, stop worrying so much about that and lighten up. We're about to watch the best drag show ever."

"I've already seen Aang and Sokka in drag, Toph." It was a less than thrilling prospect to see it again.

"But you're forgetting about Zuko."

It was then that Katara was attacked brutally by her imagination — Zuko from before, the angry Zuko with the ponytail in a frilly pink dress, one with lace and brocade and —

"Now you're getting it, Katara. Just don't forget to breathe."

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Suki smiled as she watched the boys came out of the dressing room. The difference in their attitudes was amazing. Aang seemed unperturbed, if slightly annoyed in his light-pink dress and wig. Zuko hung back as if he was both committing a crime and being violated in his maroon and gold kimono and makeup. But Suki only had eyes for Sokka.

"You make one gorgeous woman."

"I do, don't I?" His voice cracked like it always seemed to when he was too confident in something he really shouldn't have been, and Suki raised an eyebrow. "Oh, right." Sokka pulled out a fan, and fluttered it in front of his face while batting his eyelashes. His voice went up a few pitches as he corrected himself. "Not as pretty as you are."

Suki heard a gagging sound behind her, but when she turned around she couldn't be sure if Zuko was only choking on the perfume Katara had sprayed him with. "These are the worst disguises I have ever heard of," he said.

"Come on, Zuko, if you were a girl, you would be totally hot."

Toph sighed as the crickets chirped in the background. "The only good thing about 'being seen and not heard' is that Sokka is going to have to stop making lame jokes."

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Don't look at me like that! Every gender-bended picture of Zuko I've seen has been totally hot, no matter how freaked out he was by the whole idea! That's the only way Maiko makes any sort of sense to me! (Does not accept Visa, Mastercard, or gender-bended Zutara).

Anyways, Prince Yamato kicked butt by dressing in drag. Look it up! It works.

**Please Review!**


	4. I Am Ninja

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I do not own.

I got such a great response out of the last chapter I feel bad my next one isn't longer. I wrote these ahead of time, have everything all planned out, because I'm at band camp this week, and i have ten minutes of internet a day, if I'm lucky. So I have to go super speed.

**_Newsflash: I'm not going to be able to watch Southern Raiders on thursday, so don't give me any spoilers!_**

_Now back to your regularly scheduled program._

As I became more interested in Zuko, I started paying attention to episodes with him in it. What was that guy's problem, anyways? The Blue Spirit didn't answer that question, but it definitely made me realize that Avatar had more to it than most other kid's shows. It's still my favorite episode, and it opened the door to a lot of good questions:

_Who taught Zuko to use the broadswords and be a ninja?!_

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**I Am Ninja**

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Zuko wasn't quite sure what Katara wanted him for, but for now, what else was he supposed to do?

When he saw her walking down the hall toward him, carrying an armful of scrolls, the answer to that question might have been 'run the other direction.'

"Have any idea what these are?" she asked, holding one up.

"Where did you get those?"

"Your room." She shuffled through the scolls, pulling out another and shacking it open. The characters at the top read 'Way of the Shadow: How to become a Ninja in Five Easy Steps.' "Ancient and sacred art form, huh?"

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Also: There is historically a secret Buddhist sect called the White Lotus.

**Please Review!**


	5. Memories

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I do not own.

Another thing that bothered me about Avatar were the random blurbs — there were just these things that people said that made absolutely no sense, like in 'Bato of the Water Tribe,' when the old herbalist was talking.

'Miyuki, did you get in trouble with the Fire Nation again?'

That line drove me insane. Then Bumi says something like 'And of course you'll need Momo to help you,' and I'm like 'There! That's it, the animals are going to save the world.'

I was actually thinking of making a full-length fic of this, and I still might, but not right now.

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**Memories**

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Music played and soldiers chirped and sang their songs of victory; truly the whole city was rejoicing. They danced around and through the legs of the humans, every creature that walked, or flew, or hopped in a state of bliss.

Every creature save the humans, who remained ignorant of the war being waged just outside the walls, and until recently, in them, as well. The Great City of Ba Sing Se slept easily every night, and would continue to do so, until its depravity overtook its grandeur. The people were tired of war, and of all the creatures who walked under the sun, they were the best at seeing only what they wished to see. Their cowardice was a cancer, and it would overtake them from within.

Miyuki sat on the high wall, watching the earthbenders far below as they labored to erase the one reminder of how close they had come to destruction. The victory was not even their own; no one knew why the Dragon of the West had abandoned the siege when he would have tasted victory in mere days, but it was easy for human and animal alike to attribute it to their own skills in combat. The intelligence report resting under Miyuki's paw said otherwise.

She skimmed over it once more, a lump forming in her throat. It was easy to forget that the creatures of the Fire Nation were in possession of souls, but this one paper left her with greatest respect, and greater regret. Death was an ever-present part of war, for victors and for the defeated. This . . . stalemate . . . was not without cost.

"Thank you, Momo," she mewed. "But I think it's time for us to disband."

"But we've only just begun! We could keep helping out, keep winning, help our humans win this war!"

"This war doesn't affect us, and I'm not so sure the humans are worth saving. No matter who wins, our lot will not change."

"We can make it change! And did you forget what the Fire humans did to my kind? What if I'm really the last . . . ."

"You aren't the last, Momo." Miyuki turned to face the lemur. "And you aren't alone. But I don't have the power or patience to keep our unit together any longer now that the siege is through. Our rag-tag bunch does not share your hate."

But Momo was already gone, soaring back to his home. Maybe he would reach it safely. Miyuki doubted she would ever know.

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Several years later, Miyuki was older, her fur greyer, and her life at the hermitage with the old herbalist very peaceful. Until she saw the Avatar, and again met Momo.

"Your human is bringing the frogs."

"I know that."

"Then you should return." She wagged her tail impatiently. "I did not think you would ever speak to me again."

"I do only out of necessity," the lemur chittered. "Join us. Lead us. The war will end soon, for good or for ill."

"I will give it thought."

"See that you do." And he was gone.

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Miyuki did not wish to believe that the Fire Nation could reach her where she sat, but when its very Prince and the Dragon of the West appeared on her doorstep, she knew Momo's words to be true.

So she began her journey. _I'm so sorry_, she mewed to her human, _but it's time for me to get in trouble with the Fire Nation again._

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**Please Review!**


	6. This Is The Song That Never Ends

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I do not own.

Somehow or other my family got into Avatar. I mean, it isn't a mystery — I got both seasons for Christmas, and what else were we supposed to do? Inflict holiday cheer on an unsuspecting world? My dad got into Avatar through his army buddies, but my mom and my grandma were both victims of my fandom. Since then I've done more recruiting for the cause, getting a few people into it who swore they would never like anime.

Yeah. Just call me Pastor Storm.

As far as shipping goes, if asked to choose, my mom prefers Zutara and Teoph, but my grandma and dad are more into the possibility of Kataang. I think. It hasn't really come up.

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**This Is The Song That Never Ends**

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"Scott, you need two hands to use that remote."

"I know, isn't it great?!" The teenager pointed the massive remote control at the TV, clicking through the five-million cable channels they had, for no reason other than the fact that he could. "Now you can't yell at me for losing it because it is physically impossible for it to get lost."

"Oh, I trust you to find some way around that."

"Anyways, this is going to be a big finale. That means a big remote, big pizza." He gestured to a massive stack of equally large pizza boxes, then to their tv. "A big tv, and a big party."

"I can't believe it's almost over," Katie sighed. "It feels like the season just flew by."

"As our dear estranged cousins would say, time is an illusion," Scott said. "But I'm guessing twenty-four hours is still too long a wait for you."

Katie nodded, sinking into the sofa. It was going to be a long, long wait.

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I saw The Southern Raiders a few hours ago — not going to say anything about it, though I thought it started a lot stronger than it finished. It was epic, then it wasn't. But it was worth it, so you will watch it.

And the only people I would need or want on a fantasy football team are Iroh and Seven of Nine. Your team will be assimilated.

**Please Review!**


	7. This is Not My Idea Of Fun

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I do not own.

I think we know by now that several things did not happen in the season finale that I had hoped, but I'm going to stay strong and endure.

Ok. So everything in this fic was completely and utterly wrong. No cross-dressing, no ninja teachers, no Momo saving the world, and definitely no mental breakdowns/coughing fits when Iroh told Zuko he was alone with the whole Fire Nation thing.

On the other hand OMG THE OLDE FOLKS KICKED BUTT!!one1!

Yes. I'm not ashamed to say I screamed when J-dawg and Pakku showed up. I was right about that, at least. I want to go to olde person camp!!

I'm going to milk this season finale for all it's worth. I haven't had a chiropractic adjustment in years, but with this, maybe I can convince my mom that it's worth it.

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**This Is Not My Idea Of Fun**

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Toph raised an eyebrow, listening to Aang's story of his final battle with Ozai. "You say you got a rock jammed into your back, and that opened your seventh chakra?"

Aang nodded. "Cool, huh?"

"All you needed was a chiropractic adjustment, and you could have saved the world early, without us going through all that stuff?"

"Well, I'm not sure if that's how it works—"

"Shut it, Twinkletoes. That's practical." She cracked her knuckles, grinning evilly. "And baby skin is no excuse this time. You gotta stay in shape if you plan on doing your job right."

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**THE END**

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_I finished a story! I finished a story!_

Hey, I'm allowed to celebrate, aren't I?

The season finale was soul-devouring, but if you read any of my other things, you probably realize that I have this . . . burning hatred for main characters who get off easy (coughAangcoughcough).

King Bumi said, "What's the point of tests if you don't learn anything?" This was Aang's big test as the Avatar, and he filled in the bubbles at random without even opening the test booklet, not that how it happened wasn't cool, but if all he needed was a chiropractic adjustment, then that belongs in the history books. I told you the modern educational system was flawed beyond repair. Aang didn't follow the advice of Yangchen, who was my personal favorite and the wisest of the four past Avatars we get to meet, in my personal opinion.

In _The Hero With 1000 Faces_, Joseph Campbell describes the anti-hero who thinks only to protect 'me and mine,' thinking of only himself and the people close to him, and how he can further his own goals, while the hero does not belong to himself. His exact words are "The hero is the man of self-achieved submission." Aang, by that definition, does not fit the bill.

So there. Bitter ramblings of my left-brain, vulcan-inspired logic complete, I can continue to foam over how amazing everything else was in peace.

Because no matter what, that was awesome.

**Please Review!**


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